The Five Love Languages for Singles: Compatible with God’s Word?

A girl friend of mine told me about a book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, sometime last year. I immediately headed to the bookstore intrigued by the title. Once I got there I found that there was a specific book for singles and so I picked that one up (given that I’m single I thought that the way we express our particular “love language” to another might be different than married folk!). Before I continue any further let me tell you that I highly recommend this book…for singles, married people, whomever!

Alrighty then…let’s get into the meat…what I’m sure you’re all waiting for (lol)! The Five Love Languages describes five different means through which we feel love. Every person is supposed to have his/her primary love language. Although the author states that the love languages can be applied in all types of relationships, I’m specifically focusing here on romantic relationships. Now don’t shoot me for talking about romance!! And don’t get me twisted! By romantic relationships I in NO WAY mean sexual relationships, especially because I’m talking about love languages as they relate to singles. But I do, however, believe romance is healthy, even as a single, in a relationship ordained by God at the appropriate time.

The back of the book reads: “You have a God-given yearning for complete and unconditional love. But you’ll never be able to express it – or receive it – until you learn to speak the right ‘love’ language.” The essential argument that I gathered from the author (and please correct me if I’m wrong), is that an individual shows love and recognizes love being shown to him/her based on what that person’s primary love language is.

So what are the love languages you ask? Welp, here ya go:

(1) Words of Affection
(2) Quality Time
(3) Acts of Service
(4) Receiving Gifts
(5) Physical Touch

Take a look at The Five Love Languages website, www.fivelovelanguages.com, for information on each of these.

My main point in discussing this topic was triggered by a conversation with another friend many months after I originally read this book. The question that emerged from that conversation was: “can a single’s love language be ‘physical touch’ and he/she be content with living a life of sexual purity?”

I believe the answer is yes. As Christians we are all commanded to be content in whatsoever state God has placed us in (Philippians 4:11) and, in my opinion, a single Christian whose “love language” is physical touch does not necessarily struggle with that contentment due to his/her commitment to presenting his/her body as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God (Romans 12:1). This is because there are many non-sexual and non-sexually arousing “good physical touchings” that do not create situations like those mentioned in Galatians 5:16-17.

It’s interesting because a little over a month ago there was a sermon at church delivered by the Youth Minister. He explained how through Jesus’ life and the way Jesus treated others we learned that everyone deserves to feel significant. The scripture that was discussed was Matthew 8:1-3 (NKJV): “When He had come down from the mountain, great multitudes followed Him. And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, ‘Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean.’ Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, ‘I am willing; be cleansed.’ Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.” The minister explained that Jesus gave the man with leprosy His time, that Jesus gave the man “good touch,” and that Jesus talked to him. In this way Jesus showed His love for the man and demonstrated that the man was significant/important despite his condition.

Although the context is different, I believe that we can show God’s lovingkindness to one another in romantic relationships without breaking or compromising our commitment to God, even if we are inclined to receiving and recognizing love through “physical touch.” Ultimately, it’s a conversation for the two people in that relationship to have with another. Obviously, in relationships we need to be aware of each other’s limitations because we would not want to cause our brother or sister to fall (Romans 14:13). That’s why it’s so critical to establish boundaries in our relationships. The boundaries are set primarily to ensure that our focus and desire is on pleasing God and remaining pleasing to Him. But the boundaries are also set based upon a desire to respect our beloved and help him/her to remain pure as well.

I’m curious to know your thoughts...compatible or incompatible? Why or why not?

Friends…How Many of Us Have Them?

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amīcus "friend" and amō "I love" is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos "friend" and phileō "I love." In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frēond, the Old English word for "friend," was simply the present participle of the verb frēon, "to love." The Germanic root behind this verb is frī-, which meant "to like, love, be friendly to." (Taken from www.dictionary.com.)

This concept of friend being synonymous to love makes sense. After all, we are commanded to “love” our neighbors as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18). Through the years I’ve been blessed with many friends: those people that have come into my life for a particular reason, a season, or a lifetime and have shown me the joys of human companionship and the comfort of shared experience.

What’s caught my attention lately is how the frequency with which you speak to a “friend” changes as you change and as God moves you to different places, both physically and spiritually, in your lives. For instance, I had several friends in college that I spoke to on a daily basis. It was easy for me to keep in touch with them because we lived in the same city, in the same dorm, were members of the same organizations, and had the same interests. I am still in touch with most of those friends, but we don’t talk nearly as much as we used to and, in some cases, are at different stages of our lives, causing us to be hard pressed to locate any “similarities” between our current selves. Observing this “cycle of friendship” in my life caused me to wonder…does it matter if, as a result of changed life circumstances, you no longer speak to some friends on a regular basis? Does that necessarily diminish your friendship? After all, if to be a friend is to love and love is a verb requiring action, can you truly call yourself a friend when you speak to someone less than five times a year?

I know for me that the frequency with which I speak to a friend does not diminish the love that I have for that person…regardless of how much physical time I am actually spending with that friend. Looking over my life I know that God has placed certain friends in my life during a particular season of my life so that God could fulfill His purpose for me in that season and, ultimately, so that He could mold me into who I am today and who He has determined I will be tomorrow (See Jeremiah 18:1-6).

So, to all my friends out there…those I speak to on a regular basis and those whom I don’t speak to hardly enough, I want you to know that I love you, you are in my prayers and my thoughts, and I am so appreciative that God has placed you in my life…even if our season of friendship has changed.